Celebrating Diversity in the U.S.
November 21st, 2004 by sfuqua
Interfaith minister Susanna Stefanachi Macomb writes about the growing
trend of interfaith, intercultural and interracial families in the United
States
Rev. Susanna Stefanachi Macomb
July 2004
The great American philosopher Emerson spoke of "unity in
diversity", something that is foundational to the American ideal. To be
open to diversity in general is a very good first step. However, it seems to
me that unity in diversity is the greater call and aim. This unity requires a
certain quality of heart. It requires a love for all God's creatures,
great and small, irrespective and because of their infinite varieties in
color, culture, religious belief, gender, sexual preference, philosophy or
social and economic status.
Now grant you, this is easier said then done. Advances in technology and
communications, changes in the way we work, the ability to travel anywhere
— all have created a truly global village. People from all countries
are interacting with one another to an ever-increasing extent. Most societies
are still intrinsically tribal and segregated. However, our world is getting
smaller by the minute. Inevitably, people of different backgrounds are
getting to know one another, especially in the world's great
multicultural epicenters, our major urban cities. Invariably, many of these
folks of different backgrounds are falling in love, getting married and
having children.
Statistics show that approximately 1/3 of all new marriages now taking
place in the U.S. are intermarriages — that is interfaith,
intercultural or interracial in nature. A 2001 survey by the Graduate Center
at the City University of New York shows that 29 million American couples
(married or not) live in mixed-religion homes. One survey, according to the
NY Times, finds that 40 percent of Americans had dated someone of another
race.
When it comes to matter of religion and intermarriage in the U.S:
- Over forty percent of marriage-age Catholics marry outside the Church,
a doubling since the 1960s. - Three in ten Mormons are now in interfaith marriages.
- One in three Episcopalians and one in four Lutherans have married
outside their churches. - The Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America reports that two-thirds of
its marriages are interfaith. - The number of Jewish-Christian couples doubled to one million during
the 1990s. - Four in ten Muslims are choosing non-Muslim spouses.
- The intermarriage rate approaches sixty percent for Buddhists, the
fastest-growing Eastern religion in the United States. - The only outdated statistic I could find with regard to intermarriage
in Hinduism is ten years old and states that 5 percent of Hindus live in
interfaith households.
Here are more numbers and facts:
- Of the over one million LEGAL immigrants a year entering the US, over
80 percent are non-European. The greatest numbers are from Latin America,
the Caribbean as well as Asian countries. - The U.S. census revealed that, among native born, married, Americans
ages 25-34 years old, over two-fifths of Hispanics and one-half of Asians
had spouses who belonged to a different ethnic or racial group. The number
of black-white couples alone tripled between the years of 1970 and 1991.
This is significant when we note that as recent as 1958 a white mother in
Monroe, N.C., called the police after her young daughter kissed a black
playmate on the cheek. The boy, Hanover Thompson, age 9, was then sentenced
to 14 years in prison for attempted rape. Outrageous but true. After failed
appeals, he was released following a public outcry. Today we have Clarence
Thomas, a conservative black supreme court justice who lives in Virginia,
married to a white woman, and ironically it was in Virginia that the case
of Loving v. Virginia struck down antimiscegnation laws. - 40 percent of all children born to an Asian or Pacific Islander parent
also have a non- Asian or non-Pacific Islander parent. The number of
Japanese-American children being born today who have one non-Japanese
parent jumped to 60 percent in recent years. Here we have come a long way
from World War II when we placed those of Japanese heritage in internment
camps. - Today, the world's most famous child of intermarriage is our
beloved Tiger Woods whose ancestry is a combination of black, Thai,
Chinese, white and Native American.
These diversity figures are quickly rising giving weight to the words of
Martin Luther King, "Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do
that."
As an interfaith minister, I have had the privilege of working with people
from an amazing variety of backgrounds. I have studied the world's great
traditions. Increasingly exposed to their teachings, their followers and
rituals, I learn more and more of the transcendence of this glorious
universe. After all, the essence of each tradition is alight with the same
fire. It is the lamps that are different.
I counsel blended families… especially through life's major
rites of passage. My book, Joining Hands and Hearts deals with the topic of
intermarriage. With regards to intermarriage, I have worked with some of the
most challenging situations: The joining of an elite upper class Southern
debutante with a middle class African American from the north. Her father
refused to walk her down the aisle until he and his wife spent some time
talking with me. I had spent months counseling a Palestinian Muslim and an
American Jew who had fallen in love. Unfortunately, their families did not
share in their happiness (to put it mildly) Then as fate would have it, one
of them barely survived 9/11. After that they said to me, "We now know
what is important in life. Will you marry us?" I have worked with
children of Holocaust survivors… one fell in love with a devout German
Catholic and another with a Greek Orthodox woman. I have counseled Indian
Hindus marrying Middle-Eastern Muslims. Irish Catholics marrying Moroccan
Muslims. Vietnamese Buddhist marrying Sicilian Catholic. Iranian Jewish
marrying Chinese Taoist. African American marrying British (both
Episcopalian)… .Japanese Shinto marrying American Jewish. Latin
American Born Again Christian marrying Korean Agnostic… . Pakistani
Zoroastrian marrying American Buddhist. I have celebrated many unions where
there existed 4-5-6-7 cultures between them. Chante` and Judah, for example,
a couple featured within my book had between them a combined African
American, Native American, French, Polish, Russian, Catholic, Baptist,
Jewish, Sufi, Rasta heritage. 10 traditions, 10 times blessed!
Some of these families choose to raise their child in one faith. Others
choose to celebrate the full breadth of their cultural and religious
heritage. Still others choose a third religion for their blended family,
while there are those who prefer a non-denominational neutral approach. There
are no cookie cutter solutions here. The answers are as varied as the
families themselves.
Not too long ago, I performed the memorial service for a wonderful
Albanian Muslim woman who died at the ripe age of 92. Her five Albanian
Muslim children had married Middle Eastern Muslims and European Christians
and her grandchildren extended their circle even further by intermarrying
with Jewish, Chinese and Latin spouses. Yes, for the service, we incorporated
a blend of all these prayers and traditions.
Someone once compared my office studio to an U.N. outpost. And sometimes
in certainly feels that way. I consider this work a gift. Personally, I revel
in the symphony of mankind's colors, textures and traditions. However, I
won't lie to you by saying that it's easy work. One of my favorite
stories in this regard was told to me by a Methodist minister from the
Mid-West. He was to co-officiate with a Rabbi for an interfaith,
intercultural wedding ceremony. They both showed up at a scheduled meeting
between the two families. The meeting was so acrimonious that afterwards the
Rabbi turned to the minister and said, "You do the ceremony, and
I'll pray for you!"
Sometimes I refer to my studio office as the crying room. For I have also
counseled many young folks who were disowned by their parents for marrying
someone of a different color or faith. I have seen relationships fall apart
because of external family tensions due to the intermarriage issue. Having
said that, I have seen many more relationships where love has conquered
all.
Generally, the younger generation is more interfaith and multicultural in
terms of their peer group and in their love relationships. Usually it is the
parents and grandparents that have the issues. I remember one particular
conversation amongst family members at a wedding reception of a
multi-cultural union where one young person stated (quite joyously),
"Soon we (humanity) all will be mixed in one way or another." His
elderly grandmother immediately took my arm and commented, "I know.
Isn't it just awful!"
Some people see this ever increasing diversity as a cause of alarm. They
feel that we are losing our way life. Others fear that the present majority
will become the minority. Still others simply fear what they don't know.
Fear breeds all the "“isms, racism, sexism, religiousism,
classism, ageism etc. We need to rise up, examine and face our fears. We all
have fears, prejudices and biases. Be wary of those who say they do not!
Martin Luther King once admitted that it was not the angels of darkness he
feared (for he knew where to find them and where they stood), it was the
angels of light.
What can we do as individuals? We can speak out when we see any of the
isms spreading. We can reach out and learn another's point of view and
way of life. We can participate joyously. And we can practice empathy.
Empathy is a powerful tool.
As a white person, I may never understand what it means to be a black
person with a history of brutal, demoralizing slavery where my people were
told by white people that we were less than human — but I can try. I
can study African American history, read books, watch documentaries. I can
look at the horrors of what was done and face it head on. I can examine my
own guilt and fear. I can look at the racism that still goes on today —
including subtle racism. This takes courage.
Raised as a Christian, I may never be able to understand what is means to
be a Jew. What does it mean to live knowing that humanity turned their heads
and collaborated in a heinous genocide upon my people? But I can try. I can
study the history of pogroms, of the holocaust. I can listen to the stories
told by Holocaust survivors. And I can look squarely into today's face of
anti-Semitism. I can, at the very least, try.
As a non-Asian, I may not be able to completely understand the frustration
of all the stereotyping — the many assumptions that people often make
about Asians — but I can listen and learn. For example, one Chinese
high school student told me that he was sick and tired of everyone assuming
that he was good at math. He wasn't. He was more inclined towards the
arts. A Korean man told me that he resented how many non-Asian women somehow
perceived him as somehow being less sexual than Caucasian, African American
or Latin men. Stereotyping — though we all do it to some degree —
is a form of racism. The key is to be aware — be alert — when you
are doing it. Then slowly we will be able to stop.
As a non-Muslim, I may not be able to fully grasp what it means to be a
Muslim living in America today… but I can try. I have to face looks of
fear, distrust or anger–often sneers and comments from my neighbors who look
at me, my family and my relatives and often see nothing but terrorists. The
word Islam comes from the word peace. Yet how many of us are willing to take
the time or energy to learn about this religion which brings peace to over 1
billion of our world neighbors? We MUST try.
So much fear is dispelled when we get to know one another through listen
and talk. Huston Smith once wrote, "Those who listen, listen for
peace." It takes a quality of heart to want that. It takes love and
compassion to revel in the fullness and beauty of humanity's mosaic. That
seems to me to be the great call. Humanity has made tremendous progress. I,
for one, rejoice in that progress and I recognize that we still have a long
way to go.
Rev. Susanna Stefanachi Macomb is an interfaith minister, an artist and
the author of
"http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0743436989/spiritofglorythe?creative=327641&camp=14573&link_code=as1">
Joining Hands and Hearts: Interfaith, Intercultural Wedding
Celebrations—A Practical Guide for Couples (Publisher
Fireside/Simon and Schuster 2003). She is currently working on two more
interfaith books in her continued hope of spreading a message of peace.
Macomb has ministered to hundreds of interfaith, intercultural
families.
